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the distance
      this breakup caused a huge amount of space between me and the group of friends i used to be with 24/7. i'm guessing that it'll get better with time, and it's not like i've forgotten all about them. i miss them. terribly. i miss having good times and being able to relate to them in so many ways. although, i don't miss feeling like a girl all the time around them. always feeling like i had to really, seriously 'try' to be a boy. i don't miss that. i suppose that's kinda how it goes when you've known the people for your whole life. of course they don't really see you in any other way.
      i've been spending my 'friend' time with some really great new people. they met me as a guy & they don't see me as anything else. it feels good knowing i don't have to struggle everyday with the 'trying'. don't get me wrong; i still feel like i have to 'try' at passing everyday. but, with just hanging out, grabbing dinner, maybe drinks, it's not an anxiety issue just before i leave the house. that was getting tough for me a couple months ago.

      so, with this name change, i'll just have a first initial, full first name & full last name. as i get closer to having if officially changed, i've been strongly considering going by my middle name since it'll be what shows up on cards & IDs. it'll be the name that the server at the restaurant says outloud while passing out the card after paying for dinner. having to answer the question "Mason? who's that?" might get redundant after a while. i really love the name Mason. maybe it'll become a bigger part of me.


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