case load
       i'll be writing my own case for my name change process. ordinarily, i'd just be filling out forms & signing some paperwork. but because of the county i live in, they don't have forms like that. they require a case be self-made. i'll have to explain why i want my name changed in my own words. i'm not the best writer when it comes to stuff like that. i hope it isn't as difficult as i'm making it seem in my head.
      once i get that typed up, and pay $130ish then i should be able to schedule a time to see the judge & make it all official. i hope that can happen before my birthday in July. i'll be 25 & my license expires then anyway. it'd be good to just take care of the name while i was at it.
      i can't wait to pay with my debit card at a restaurant with a group of people & not worry about the server reading the card out loud, in attempt to find out who is who. that's always an anxiety attack waiting to happen.

      i'm visiting mom soon, too. she's been asking to see me for a while. i kinda think she wants as much time with me while i'm still like this, before all the changes start to really happen. i don't blame her. i think i'd be the same way. i don't see mom very often. and before we know it, the ball will be rolling & months will go by. things will start changing and i'll forever be different than the child she always knew.
      i might go see her the weekend after my next therapist appointment. maybe she & i could have some conversation about this whole thing. in an adult manner. that'd be great for the both of us.

the capitol
i went on a trip this past weekend that has seriously changed me.

      seeing DC for the first time, never being very political or patriotic before, was eye-opening. i learned so much. i saw so much. i felt so much. and never realized how much i needed those things, until i left here. i suppose that says something, right? maybe that spark in another place means this comfortable atmosphere isn't what i need anymore.
      i think i already kinda knew that, but feeling it was a different story. and the friends i went with felt exactly the same. as a result of making this 'vacation' together, i think we've come to the understanding that we'll leave this comfort zone together & end up somewhere new, together. our joined chemistry is unreal. our compatibility was easy. even after 16 hours of driving, 5 days & 4 nights of being in close proximity, there was never a moment where any of us thought "dear god. get me away from these people!"
      i'm looking forward to all the adventures we're bound to go on together. starting a new life, permanent or temporary, in a new place with each other's company.

them seeing me as a man really helps, too.

new day
for a while, i was keeping an online writing outlet on a different 'diary' site.
i'm making this switch for a handful of reasons but regardless of those, it was time for a change.
this is just a quick initial entry. there will be more to come, for certain.


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